last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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