I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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