Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
