rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
