Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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