is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
