I like to think it a success when the cops are called
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
