your room smells of hookers.
And success
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
