I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
