you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
