you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
