Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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