Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
