I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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