There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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