Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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