i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
cat food counts as protein by the way
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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