3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
