I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
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