Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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