if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
