...so i touched it.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
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he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
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FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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