I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
