My brain says no but my pants say off.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
