Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
