I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
