No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
