He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
