how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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