dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
