Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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