I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
