tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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