the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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