i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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