I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
how does that bad decision feel?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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