So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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