i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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