people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
