Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Randomize
