i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
