Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
