when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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