lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
