I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
