i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
