Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
