So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
