I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
