I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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