mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
