Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
