Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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