i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
