I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
