Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
