Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
