Can Purell be used as lube?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
