i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
