Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
