You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
