it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
