i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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