its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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