Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
