It's like a parade of train wrecks.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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