I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Randomize
