So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
