Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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