Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
