Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
