Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
