hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
