I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
