at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
