she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
