How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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