her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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