he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
