I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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