oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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