spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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