Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
