u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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