Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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